Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The day my crock pot betrayed me

Ya'll I'm feeding a herd. There are 5 kids, 4 of which eat table food. That makes my 5th sound like a  dog, but in reality he's just still on the boob. The crockpot is vital in my life. I'm incredibly unorganized and by the time dinner comes I'm often ready to start drinking and have zero patience left. So here's the story of when my crock pot betrayed me.

3 days ago I decided to be all productive and plan to make a crockpot black bean soup. (It's from crockpot365 and you should try it!) I knew I had to soak the beans to soften them overnight (also to remove phytic acid and help absorption of nutrients). I was so proud of myself for soaking beans and planning a meal for the next day. Only to find out that they needed to cook for 9 hours so they soaked another day because by the time I had started to get the crockpot together, dinner would have been at 8pm.

The next day rolls around and I'm getting everything in the crockpot at 8am bright and early so we can have dinner at a decent time, only to re-read the recipe and you only have to cook for about 5 hours if you soaked the beans. Okay, cool. I'll just put it on low. I was anticipating the soup all day. It's one of my favorites and I, for some reason, haven't made it in about 2 years. I get everything in the crockpot and "Set it and forget it!" Wait... wrong appliance. Whatever. You get the point.

Notice the melted handle on the lid? That's
because I'm a  genius and tried to put the whole
thing in the oven one day. #briliant
I come back later in the afternoon to check on the soup and the beans are still really hard. Well, that's okay I'll crank it up to hight for the rest of the cooking time. Problem solved. Dinner time rolls around. My kids are melting down. I apparently haven't fed them in days. The toddler skipped her nap and is now determined to rage out on her siblings. I have a brilliant idea of telling them dinner will be ready soon. I instantly regret this decision.

I go back to the pot about 5:00 and the BEANS ARE STILL HARD! What the actual heck is going on with my food. Now I'm in panic mode. Dinner is not ready and my vultures are ready to feed. So I choose to do what any mother does and I turn the tv on while I figure it out. I throw the crockpot contents into a pot and crank it up on high so the beans will boil and cook.

One hour passes. The kids have had some sort of snack to hold them over and I've managed to avoid mutiny. TWO HOURS pass and the beans are softening but still not edible. I've turned on America's Got Talent and turn off the lights and tell the kids to help judge the contestants. "It's fun!" I say. I'm not sure they're buying it.

Finally, at the end of hour two, the beans are somewhat soft but still.... crunchy. I say screw it and I serve it up anyways. The toddler is now asleep in the living room. Without eating. This is not good. She's hyperglycemic and if she goes to bed without dinner she will wake up puking. (She will continue to throw up until I feed her donuts. This sounds like a ploy but literally donuts are the only thing we've found to stop the vomiting in ALL THREE of our hypoglycemic girls. It must be the sugar/carb mix.)

I tell my husband to wake her up and feed her and if she doesn't want the soup to give her something... anything else so she goes to bed with food in her belly. It's now the baby's witching hour so I have to retire to the bedroom which leaves my husband in charge of dinner and bed. I have faith in him. He's a good dad.

He feeds them and gets them in bed. No one ate the soup. I'm not sure I even want to know what he fed them... but they didn't wake up puking so I'm calling it a success. I spent the next morning annoyed at the stupid beans (which were obviously bad) while I prepare my roast chicken for the crockpot since it's going to be a busy day.

I get home from the chiropractor with the kids at around 5 and see my chicken... STILL RAW in the pot. It's barely warm and it's dinner time. I throw it in a pot and roast it for an hour an a half in the oven. It was good, although the kids complained about cooked carrots. Whatever, their loss. I love them.

I'm now super annoyed at my crockpot and have figured out it has decided to ruin my life. I'll now replace it like the traitor it is. Lucky for me, it's Amazon Prime day! I get a $60 crock pot on sale for $30. YES! Score! I leave Amazon in a hurry as to not clear my bank account.

It didn't work. I bought 2 water bottles and an anniversary present for my hubby. I DID walk away from a jumbo pack of organic gummy snacks though. It took all my will power. I mean $4 off... How could I pass it up?! So I got a new crockpot, my kids didn't puke, and I got water bottles for school. I know, I know #momgoals.


Tuesday, September 15, 2015

40 Easy DIYs That Will Instantly Upgrade Your Home

40 Easy DIYs That Will Instantly Upgrade Your Home

Going through a home renovation is actually the worst. Time to take matters into your own hands.
Via Alice Mongkongllite/BuzzFeed

1. Replace your plain old ceiling light with a lampshade.

Replace your plain old ceiling light with a lampshade.
Who invented flush mounts and why are they so damn ugly? Tutorial here.

2. Hide an ugly backsplash with plastic tiles that look like tin.

Hide an ugly backsplash with plastic tiles that look like tin.
Renters rejoice. Directions here.

3. Hide your television wires in a shower curtain rod.

Hide your television wires in a shower curtain rod.
See how it’s done here.

4. Dress up your windows with crown molding.

Dress up your windows with crown molding.

5. Hiding beneath the outer layer of your laminate countertop is a stonelike surface waiting to be painted.

Hiding beneath the outer layer of your laminate countertop is a stonelike surface waiting to be painted.
It looks just like soapstone. Get the full directions here.

6. Add cheap framed mirrors to closet doors, painted to match.

Add cheap framed mirrors to closet doors, painted to match.
Your selfie game just got way stronger.

Or add unframed mirrors to bifold closet doors.

Or add unframed mirrors to bifold closet doors.

7. Update your bathroom vanity in 20 minutes.

Update your bathroom vanity in 20 minutes.
Concrete is so hot right now. Get the directions here.

8. Use tab curtains to cover up unsightly wire shelving.

Use tab curtains to cover up unsightly wire shelving.
Your garage might actually not look like civil unrest for once. Thank the genius who thought of concept here.

9. For when you need a little privacy, frost your windows with cornstarch.

 
This is witchcraft. Directions here.

10. Use simple brass hardware as curtain tie-backs.

Use simple brass hardware as curtain tie-backs.
You can get brass snap hooks for around $2 at any hardware store.

11. Hang curtains closer to the ceiling to give the illusion of bigger windows.

Hang curtains closer to the ceiling to give the illusion of bigger windows.

12. The same basic theory works with your shower curtain, too: Spray-paint a shower rod gold and suspend it from the ceiling.

The same basic theory works with your shower curtain, too: Spray-paint a shower rod gold and suspend it from the ceiling.
The height of the shower curtain will give the illusion of higher ceilings. Just make sure you get an extra-long shower curtain.

13. Get instant shaker-style kitchen cabinets.

Get instant shaker-style kitchen cabinets.
Scandinavian home blog, here you come. Directions here.

14. Or use beadboard wallpaper for a more farmhouse look.

 
Get the directions here.

15. Add molding + shelving to the top of your kitchen cabinets.

 
The extra storage is an awesome bonus, but it also adds an extra level of polish to your kitchen. Directions here.

16. Double up on your shower curtains so they partinstead of slide.

Double up on your shower curtains so they part instead of slide.
Make every morning your own person debut into the world.

17. Bookend your closet rods with fancy shelf brackets.

Bookend your closet rods with fancy shelf brackets.
If you have an exposed rack, it really frames it in a nice way.

18. Mix and match your sheer curtains.

Mix and match your sheer curtains.
Haier
It’ll look especially dreamy in a teenage girl’s bedroom.

19. Get the right-size rugs and know how to place them.

Get the right-size rugs and know how to place them.

20. Frame your flat screen with molding trim.

Frame your flat screen with molding trim.

21. Make a dining room table instantly more charming by attaching wood planks.

Make a dining room table instantly more charming by attaching wood planks.
It’ll look like a piece of handmade furniture you got off Etsy or something. Directions here.

22. Cover up an unsightly air vent with a rubber doormat.

Cover up an unsightly air vent with a rubber doormat.
Get the DIY here.

23. Just a coat of spray paint will make old air vents look new again.

Just a coat of spray paint will make old air vents look new again.
Once you try this DIY, you will want to spray-paint everything.

24. Hang curtain rods to create a makeshift canopy bed.

Hang curtain rods to create a makeshift canopy bed.

25. Paint your vinyl or linoleum flooring.

Paint your vinyl or linoleum flooring.
This changes EVERYTHING. See how it’s done here.

26. Did you hear? Accent ceilings are the new accent walls.

Did you hear? Accent ceilings are the new accent walls.
It gives depth to a room, and doesn’t detract from the brightening effect of light-colored walls. See more photos of this bathroom here.

27. Half-painted walls give the illusion of a taller ceiling.

Half-painted walls give the illusion of a taller ceiling.
clive tompsett photography for sköna hem
Especially if you don’t have any crown molding.

28. Inexpensive craft store frames fit perfectly around your light switch covers.

Inexpensive craft store frames fit perfectly around your light switch covers.
See how she did this here.

29. Make a boring cabinet look regal with molding.

Make a boring cabinet look regal with molding.
Instant class. Tutorial here.

30. Use a curved shower curtain rod to make a window look bigger.

Use a curved shower curtain rod to make a window look bigger.
It’s called balloon drapery and it will make any living room look just GRAND.

31. Use carpet underlayment as your rug pad to get that comfy plush feeling.

Use carpet underlayment as your rug pad to get that comfy plush feeling.
It’s cheaper than a rug pad is, too. See the tip in action here.

32. Liquid stainless-steel paint exists, y’all.

 
Rejoice! Cuz new appliances these days are basically highway robbery. Get the directions here.

33. Paint faux windows on your garage door.

Paint faux windows on your garage door.
Directions here.

34. Swap your outlet covers with jumbo outlet covers.

Swap your outlet covers with jumbo outlet covers.
And avoid that weird messy gap.

35. Un-stain and restain your furniture.

 
Trends change, and sometimes that orangey cherry stain isn’t really the look you’re going for anymore. Getting the stain off a piece of furniture is surprisingly easy. Get the directions here.

36. Framing your bathroom mirror will make it “sit” nicely with the rest of your decor.

Framing your bathroom mirror will make it "sit" nicely with the rest of your decor.
Get the directions here.

37. Cover your unsightly cords with suede cording you can buy at any craft store.

 
See how they did this here.

38. Add a strip of trim a bit above already existing baseboards, paint between, and you get faux thick baseboards.

Add a strip of trim a bit above already existing baseboards, paint between, and you get faux thick baseboards.
Fancy baseboards on the cheap. Get the directions here.

39. Dress your bed like they do in the hotels.

Dress your bed like they do in the hotels.
And then MAKE IT. Every damn morning. You’re an adult.

40. Use picture frames as wainscoting.

 
And the Victorian transformation is now complete. Get the tutorial here.

What are you excited to try?

*originally posted by Buzzfeed